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Mums Fear of Dying Alone

My Mum

I recently had an upsetting conversation with my mum regarding her fear of dying alone. Sadly this is a reality for many, too many people in this country die alone and lonely. My mum recently visited an elderly friend in hospital who is at the end of her life dying of cancer.

Mum called me immediately after her visit very upset after experiencing a ward full of very sick elderly frail people,

“Please don’t leave me like that when my time comes, drugged and alone, it really scares me.”

I felt her fear and vulnerability as she kept repeating her words to me, even after I promised her that I’d always be there with her, right to the end. She couldn’t let it go, the hospital scene had terrified her. After our call, I sat for a while thinking about my mum my heart filled with sorrow as in reality, her years on this earth are getting shorter as all of ours are as we reach our more mature years.

My mum has the reassurance that I will be by her side; however, the fear is real and I know it haunts her. I am not being a martyr here, I will sacrifice whatever I have to at the time of my mum’s passing not only do I see it as my duty, it is what love does. To many people get put in homes because their relatives are too busy or it doesn’t suit their lifestyle to look after someone that needs them and I know that there are times when it is impossible to have a relative that is too sick to be cared for at home.

As a Soul Midwife I see the depths of despair and loneliness in the eyes of those who die without their loved ones around them. The fear of dying has increased in people over the years because they die in unfamiliar and sterile surroundings.

I believe that death is a sacred time of transitioning and should not be travelled alone. Most of us would like to die at home in familiar safe surroundings with our loved ones around us, with a sense of grace and dignity. There is no greater privilege than to walk beside another when their time is coming to an end on this earth, this is my highest calling.

If you’re curious about my work, and why I believe this is so important, do get in touch at sharon@sharonpaul.co.uk

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